The Stupid Computer Said I Was an UKE!
by lain-trigger01
Summary: SasuNaru fluff.Harhar. Naruto goes online and decides to look for sites dedicated to him. Alas! He stumbles on a Naruto-uke site! But what could 'uke' mean? Join him as he wonders. Harhar.


Title: The Stupid Computer Said I was an UKE!?!

Pairing: Sasuke x Naruto

Rating: PG

Warning: Fluff

AN: Shounen-ai! Ha-ppy Birth-day Na-na-naru-chan!!! I love you!!! author squeals and glomps helpless Naruto

Naruto: Was about to grin and say a deafening thank you when author glomps him O.o WTF? Getoff! Getoff! Getoff! starts blushing and wiggling away

Author: Sure Naru-chan…I'd LOVE to get-off on you…err, _off of_ you I mean! Innocent slip of the tongue I swear!

Naruto: panicks and starts wriggling some more H-Help!!!

Sasuke: uh, where did he come from? Dobe. Do I always have to save you? Chops at the base of the author's neck and renders her unconscious. Naruto wriggles out from under the dead weight.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I don't own that test. I don't own any site. This is so depressing pouts.

* * *

Naruto giggles madly in front of the computer. Ah, at last! Sasuke was away and that meant… he could use the computer!!! Go online! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Hmm… Now, what to do?

He could play games online. Or…

Naruto's eyes light up like neon lights. _I could check out if there are any websites dedicated to me! After all, I am good-looking, smart, and powerful and will be the future hokage of Hidden Leaf! Of course people will dedicate sites to me!_

Cackling like a psycho, Naruto typed his name in the search bar and clicked GO with a flourish of slim tanned hands and swishing mouse tails.

The computer processed this information for a second, and another, and three more.

"There!" Naruto rubbed his hands together in glee and leaned in until his face was no more than two inches away from the LCD screen.

A rather long list of sites greeted him.

Thirty minutes later, Naruto was frowning in confusion. He had stumbled across a site which called itself a Naruto-uke dedicated page. But that in itself was not the source of his confusion.

"What the hell is an uke? Why did they add that to my name?" he grumbled to himself.

Naruto opened another window and typed 'uke' in the search bar. With a less magnificent flourish he clicked on the GO button.

He was about to browse through the 'Naruto-uke' dedicated site, which was very, very strange because he kept on seeing the names of his friends then an 'X' followed by his name throughout the page, when the other window completed it's search and popped up.

After a moment of reflection, he clicked on the first link and waited for the new window to open. He was in absolutely no hurry to go through that weird Naruto-uke site! He was a bit curious though.

"Seme/Uke Test?", Naruto read off of the new window in confusion. _Okay, this is getting weirder and weirder. Am I in another dimension or something?_

After skimming the questions Naruto shrugged and said "What the hell? It's not like I'd have anything to lose by taking this test. Just Sasuke's post-paid internet hours." Naruto giggled at the thought of Sasuke's expression when he finds out. _Hah! Serves that selfish bastard right! Leaving me all alone here—dumping his partner, HIS PARTNER-- while he has fun on a mission!_

"Hmm…okay. First question: Do I like to cuddle? What the hell?" Naruto grumbled some more before clicking on the yes option.

"Next: Are you slightly built?" He squints at the computer and shakes his fist at it in anger. "Of course I am! Hmph!"

And the test questions went on.

And the test result was: You are an uke!

"Whatever you stupid computer! All I want to know is what being an uke means! Is that so hard? But noooo, let's give Naruto a difficult time and make him go through a test that just says he's an uke!" Big blue eyes flashed as he glared at the screen. And clicked on another link on what being an uke meant.

Yes, yes. Naruto could be such a drama queen sometimes.

Silence filled the room. Loud, deafening silence. You could even hear the whirring of the processor inside the laptop, the thrum of electricity flowing through the fluorescent lamp and the turning of a key in the front door.

Which Naruto, in his present state did not hear.

* * *

Sasuke bit back a sigh as he walked the last few steps to the Uchiha mansion. The big, lonely Uchiha mansion.

He had just gotten back from his first day of guard duty at the third outpost of Konoha. He was supposed to share the duty with his partner, Naruto but since it was the blonde's birthday, he had approached Tsunade-sama and almost begged her to let the blonde get this day off. Almost.

He had passed by the dobe's house to check up on him after buying cake, ice cream and a few steaming bowls of miso ramen, but he wasn't around.

Any thoughts of fatigue flew out of his brain as the twisted, pinkish-gray matter entertained very welcome thoughts on his 18th birthday gift for the dobe. A gift that was actually more of a gift to Sasuke.

_If Naruto wants it _his treacherous brain whispered. Sasuke mentally scowled and swatted away annoying thoughts of rejection or rebuttal.

As he entered the house the hairs on the back of his neck prickled with awareness. _Someone's in here._

He silently placed his groceries on the floor and made a quick check of the 1st floor, picking up and unsheathing his family's katakana along the way. No sign of an intruder.

Getting impatient, he took a few calming breaths and turned his Sharingan on. He quickly looked about the house and above. _There!_

On the upper floor, a familiar red charka life signal shone like a beacon in the direction of his bedroom.**_1_**

"Naruto," said Sasuke in a mildly surprised low tone. A dark elegantly curved eyebrow was raised. _I didn't expect any kind of welcome…Hmm, this feeling is nice. Maybe I should convince Naruto to move in with me._

He quietly climbed up the stairs and peeked through the bedroom door. He crossed his fingers and hoped the hinges wouldn't squeak.

It didn't.

Sasuke slipped through the partly-opened door and watched Naruto's back rather greedily. He could tell by the bright glow that outlined Naruto's head that the dobe was again messing around with his newly bought laptop.

_Oh, Naru-chan you have been a very, very bad boy._

Naruto suddenly began to hyperventilate. "Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod!!!"

* * *

Sasuke's hand clamped onto Naruto's shoulder; not too hard to hurt, but still hard enough to be comforting and commanding.

"Dobe, what's wrong?" Sasuke's eyes and voice were gentle and soothing…well, as gentle and soothing as Sasuke could make it.

Naruto turned his face towards him, his big blue eyes watery and yes, therefore, shiny, his lower lip trembling and being worried by his teeth, and his tan face sporting a full fledged blush.

Sasuke felt the disturbingly strong urge to grin. And the even more disturbing need to befriend the bathroom and his left hand.

"Sasuke? You'd never lie to me right?" Naruto whispered. Naruto and whispering did not belong in the same sentence. This of course immediately sent the alarms in Sasuke's head going like crazy.

"Uhh…yeah?" He decided to employ the rule of treading carefully in unknown territory. He was now glancing around the room, carefully observing for signs of a trap, ambush or prank.

"Sasuke, do you think I'm an uke?"

Sasuke sputtered and glared at him before throwing an angry and suspicious glance at his laptop that was oh-so-innocently sitting there. "_What _have you been reading?"

This quickly sent Naruto into panic mode. "I'm really, really sorry Sasu-chan! I was just super bored so I went here to bother you and Ino told me you were off on a mission so I decided to borrow your laptop and go online 'cause you know I can never, _ever_ afford a laptop, by the gods, I don't even have enough money to buy new clothes, so anyway I went online and I thought of looking for sites dedicated to me and I found not just one but a couple although they kept on including all you guys even Tsunade, and Jiraiya, and that weirdo brother of yours who I now know was the one who killed all your family and whom you are out to kill, and even that snake-creep Orochi-something, and then I saw this site that was dedicated to Naruto-uke so I was wondering what the hell is a _Naruto-uke_?! So I looked up the word uke and this evil, evil site made me take a test and it said that I, _I_ of all people am an uke—can you believe that? Me an _uke_? But I still didn't know what an uke was so I loo—", Naruto blabbered.

Sasuke cut him off. "Alright! I think I get it already!" he only understood half of what Naruto said but it was more than enough.

Naruto shut his mouth with an audible snap and glared at Sasuke, obviously pissed. "Well, sorry for answering your question you pri—", again Sasuke cut him off.

"You're acting like a _girl_ Naru-chan." Sasuke teased.

Naruto growled and tackled him to the floor. Sasuke merely laughed and hugged the blonde close to him.

"You evil, fucking bastard.." Naruto grumbled against Sasuke's chest, hitting him with half-hearted punches.

Sasuke's laughter died down to chuckles and he playfully patted Naruto's bum.

"Get up dobe. I bought you ramen, ice cream and cake."

The blond sat up, straddling him, and blinked at him rather stupidly. "Why?"

"Dobe, can't you even remember your own birthday?"

"My…birthday? You remembered my birthday?" Naruto stared at him in amazement.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and blushed. "I'm your boyfriend, of course I'd remember! Idiot!"

"Sasuke!" Naruto squealed and snuggled his boyfriend into the floor. "I love you, I love you Sasu-riin!!!"

Sasuke tried to give a sigh of exasperation but it kept on morphing into a rather beautiful smile.

_Happy birthday, dobe…_

* * *

Sometime later as they lay down to sleep, because Sasuke convinced him to spend the night at the Uchiha mansion…

"Naruto?"

Naruto turned to face a blushing Sasuke. But it was too dark for him to see that, so he looked towards his boyfriend with a big smile. "Yes, Sasu-rin?"

Sasuke blushed even more. "Uh…Would you really, really hate being an uke? Even…even for me?" Sasuke crossed his fingers.

"Ugh, I can't even bear thinking about it! Imagine, _me_, submissive? Never!" Here Naruto shook his fist at the ceiling, as if challenging fate. "I can't imagine myself ever being submissive!"

_I can. _Sasuke's mind answered at the same time force-feeding Sasuke with various Naruto-uke mental images with Sasuke as the seme. Sasuke forced himself to concentrate on Naruto's words instead. _Control.__ I must exert control._

Naruto looked as if he were contemplating the meaning of the universe. "Although", he hesitated for a while before continuing. "Although…I guess it'd be okay if it was for you." He smiled shyly at Sasuke. "I'd do anything for Sasu-rin!"

_Oh gods give me strength!_ Sasuke's mind was more than happy to expound on the many things it wanted Naruto to do and it wanted to do to Naruto.

That night, Naruto found out what it truly meant to be an uke. Let's just say that he didn't object as violently as before after that.

Ende

* * *

AN: Ehehe, hi! I'm not dead yet. I was just buried under a mountain of college work. This ficcie was supposed to be my birthday gift to Naru-chan. Alas I never got to post it until now! Anyway, better late than never right? Hope you enjoyed and please do review! Ja!

_1. I know the Sharingan is used to copy techniques right? But I was kind of thinking that for one to truly see how the technique is done you also need to see the charka used so…Let's just say that Sasuke has just previously discovered this use for the Sharingan._


End file.
